Nobody listens, there's no escape

My name is Federica and I'm from Rome, Italy, and no, I don't wave my arms and hands around when I talk.
My favorite song by MCR is "IT’S NOT A FASHION STATEMENT, IT’S A [FUCKING] DEATHWISH"
KILLJOY NAME: Black Detonator
MUSIC I LIKE: My Chemical Romance, The Used ,Bring Me The Horizon, Bullet For My Valentine, Papa Roach, Alesana, Three Days Grace, System Of A Down, Oh Sleeper,Green Day, 30 Seconds To Mars, The Rasmus, Dragonforce, Rise Against, The Almost, Saosin, Sum 41, Simple Plan, Slipknot, Queen, Underoath, Eminem, Skillet, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Pencey Prep, LeATHERMOUTH, Ozzy Osbourne, One Republic, Never Shout Never, Black Veil Brides, Love Hate Hero, Akissforjersey, Linkin Park, Gorillaz, From First To Last, Frank Iero's Laugh, Evanescence, Escape The Fate, Dream Theater, Dan Whitesides Alphabet Song, Blessthefall, Avenged Sevenfold, Armor For Sleep, All Time Low, A Day To Remember.
THINGS I LOVE: Gerard Way's Nose, Bats, Art, Tattoos, Piercings,Fruit,Jellyfish, Musicians, Coffee, Books,Cds, Colours, Band's T-Shirts, Concerts, Scotland, Denmark, Cold, Chinese Food, Dogs, Cats, Posters, People Who Love MCR, Shoes.
THINGS I HATE: Department stores, tight spaces (I'm claustrophobic) People Who Insult MCR And Any Other Band, Because They Don't Understand How Much MCR Means To Me, Spiders, Dust, My Mom When Doesn't Let Me Listen To My Music, House Music, Pop Music....Well I can't stand when people talk, yelling.

I knew to have some problems, but i really didn't think that they would get me here.
They just grew up in these years and right now, it's a mess.
Sometimes I'm even afraid of myself.
Sometimes I think not to deserve this life, not to deserve anything at all.
I currently have the same problem of Mikey Way (for who knows what problem I'm talking about) and it's hard. Sometimes I wish that my mother realizes what is happening, but she really doesn't care.
"The important thing is not your feelings, but the school." She said. "Stop listening to that music, MCR won't help you with your marks" she said thousand times. I'm so lost, and afraid of future because i really can't see mine.
I think that if I'm still here it's all because of music.
Y'know everyone just need something to believe in order to survive.
We all need someone to save us.
Someone that says: "You're not in this alone." that convince us that we shouldn't be afraid to keep on living, but the truth is that.... I'm so fucking scared.
I don't want to live as I'm living right now. Every morning I get up and I say to myself: " Why you're still here? You're so useless. Don't bother the world with your presence."
The worst thing is that I really believe in it, but then I just start thinking of my heros, of what they went through and I just wish one day to be so happy as they are right now, to completely fix my life.
When people say "Music saved my life" truly believe in it, you can't even imagine what it's like to be so lost knowing that they are the only ones that can save you.
You can't even imagine what it's like to cry knowing that that only thing that can make you smile is their smile.
My mother constantly says that I'm ridiculous to put so much faith in people that don't even know me. If she only knew that they are the only thing that keeps her daughter alive, maybe she would thank them.
"Someday you will be happy." They say.
"it can't rain forever." and I'm here waiting for that day to come.


Nothing can help this fucking pain in my heart.
Nothing compares to this pain in my heart.
Nothing can take away this pain in my heart
But your blood on my hands,
Well at least it's a start.

Wes my eyes are burning red, and thoughts of murder run through my head. oh my eyes are bloodshot red, put a bullet right through my head. i am my own bomb, i am my own slave. i hate my life now, and all of this is because if you. i wanna die, i hate myself. is anyone listening? no. i wanna lay low, but you want a funeral. you are a lie, and i am the liar. you can all go fuck yourselves. all this poison inside my brain has given false hope it's such a shame. i'm done, this is my last call. oh god just take me away